Seriously, Right onto Your Head

Seriously, Right onto Your Head

Friday, August 22, 2008

A Particularly Mean (and Honest) Post

So, I was wandering around the web for my job and I happened upon This Website, which features some of the ugliest folks I've seen in quite a while. To add insult to injury (injury via beating with ugly-stick), they're all playing this game that makes Risk look like wake-boarding or something comparable. Lemme walk you through the page...first, you see the 2005 "Champion" (if such a term can be used for whatever it is they're doing), and he's a looker. The putty-esque quality of his face is just stunning. As you continue to scroll down you'll come across what looks like a police lineup of people caught being fugly in a fugly free zone. My personal favorites are the first and last, both of whom are just spectacularly unappealing. And then, if you haven't put a pencil into your eyes yet, you can look just below the horizontal line of sub-human filth and disgust to see a fellow who looks so much like the archetype of a sex offender that he should essentially be used as the basis for any police sketches having to do with that matter. But wait, just when you thought it was over you get a picture of a group of these folks actually engaged in their loserdom. While this appears to be the least disgusting photo, it truly is the most disturbing. Wait, I take that back, the most disturbing is the sex offender.

Well, that officially qualifies as the meanest and most honest post I've ever constructed. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Here's the URL for any of your friends that you want to scare or disgust:

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Most Destructive Weapon in Video Game History

Featured in This Link is the most powerful weapon in FPS history. Those who are dual fans of Rick Astley and Doom are in for a special treat.


Wonder if they'll port that to other games...

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Soul Calibur 4 Cheated Me and Will Suffer for its Audacity...But is Also a Great Game

So, I got Soul Calibur 4 and I was promised that both Yoda AND Darth Vader would be made available as playable characters. What I was not told is that Yoda is available on the 360 and Darth Vader is available on the PS3. That's totally weak, man. However, the upside (I guess...) is that they are supposed to be available as downloadable characters in the upcoming season. While that's cool and everything, I get this distinct feeling that Microsoft will want to charge me money...or no, I'm sorry, not money, "Microsoft Points", to acquire Lord Vader. So, I then begin to ask myself: how much would I pay for Darth Vader? And the answer is that I would probably pay whatever they wanted to charge, in all seriousness. In turn, that makes me think that others will do the same and that Microsoft can truly charge whatever the funk they want. I don't know if Sony will be charging for Yoda but they don't seem to do that kinda junk...because they're nice or something. Who knows, maybe this time they will...

But! It's not all bad...the game itself is totally the sheeeiiiiit. Yoda is tight to play as and you can change the language settings and listen to his wisdom in a variety of languages (I chose Japanese and all I can catch is "force-ah" and "Dark Side-uh" and things of that nature). Aside from Yoda being sweet, the character creation is pretty gosh-dern fantastic. The game allows you to change everything about your character including obvious choices like fighting style, headgear, weapons and body armor, but also the color of each section of each piece of armor, the shape of the face, the build of the body, character voice, and a bunch of other aspects. I spent a good hour today just messing around with the customization of my character and I found that spending some time finding items that look cool and also have excellent traits (offense, defense, etc.) can make playing against the computer a lot easier and a lot more fun.

SC4 also includes a ton of game modes including "The Tower of Souls" which, in true Soul Calibur fashion, is a collection of fights in which the characters are infused with special traits, forcing you to employ different methods to killing them. However, I find that repetitive attacks and constant throwing of the opponent works better than anything fancy. NPCs are dumb.

All in all, SC4 is fantabulous, and once I get Darth Vader my life will probably be like, at least half complete.

Looks Like This Guy Got Stabbed in Mid-Air But Really He Didn't...It Just Looks Like That

Doesn't this guy look like he got stabbed in mid-air? Well, he actually didn't, it just looks like he did.

I Got This Other Totally Sweet Triple Kill Too This One Time

Yeah, there was this other time that I killed these dudes bad by throwing grenades at them.
Here's me tossing the first little ball of fiery joy towards a group of unsuspecting victims. Oh yeah, and check out my totally awesome pink and baby blue outfit...

Skip ahead a few moments and that's what happens! Triple Kill, Killing Spree and I gained the lead! Hooray!

Here's that explosion from another angle....


And then...moments later...!

A solid crack on this guy's skull from the shotgun was sufficient to end this match.

My Totally Sweet Triple Kill

Here, check it out, I got this totally sweet triple kill.

Post-killing-first guy I approach my second target.....

Two the "Double Kill" tells ya, and here's target 3...

And there's target 3 dead and flopping into the lift all limp and, "Oh no, I got killed, I'm so sad, my life is worthless, I'm gonna go get my mom to make me some Taquitos and smother them with chocolate syrup to ease my pain"...something like that...gross.

Take that "MaffiOus".......fatty.....

Hm, those pictures were kinda lame. But I sware it was totally fun killing those guys.

I'm Back! But...not better than ever...pretty much the same.... ya doin...before you get angry let me just say that I realize I haven't posted in a while...and I'm sorry, I truly am. I am begging for your forgiveness, on my hands and knees, also, I'll buy you things like Ice Cream and the occasional ticket to the movie-picture shows that you like so, won't you take me back? I have lots of delicious new Halo 3 screenshots to show you too, my sweet cantaloupe. What? I don't know why I chose, I didn't mean it to be offensive I just-....alright, I'm sorry. But for serial, I'm back so you may as well just enjoy the pictures....jeez.....

And on that note....a celebratory stance!!

At least Master Chief is happy that I'm back.....